


Warm, Bloody, and Tender

by kiranerys42



Series: Sex Bloopers [13]
Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: F/M, Menstruation, Podfic Welcome, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-09-28 02:50:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20418683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiranerys42/pseuds/kiranerys42
Summary: David and Stevie try again, for the sake of proficiency.





	Warm, Bloody, and Tender

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you [whetherwoman](https://archiveofourown.org/users/whetherwoman) for betaing.
> 
> The title of this fic comes from a [song by Rachel Lark.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGx4OLuE_xU)

“Did your dad really just tell you that he endorses all your sexual encounters?” Stevie asked as she popped the cap off a bottle of beer and passed it to David.

“Ugh. How about we drink until we forget whether that actually happened?” David sat down on the bed and took a sip of the beer, trying not to cringe at the taste.

“Do you think he’d still feel that way if he knew the actual details of all your sexual encounters?” Stevie opened up another beer for herself, took a large swig, and joined David on the bed.

“I thought the plan tonight was to _have_ a sexual encounter, not talk about ones we’ve had in the past. But if you’d rather talk, I could tell you about Anderson Cooper, or the guy who _looked_ like Anderson Cooper, or...”

“No thanks, I’m good.” Stevie took another swig of beer, then set the bottle on the floor and flopped back onto the bed. “That mirror really is unfortunate, isn’t it?”

David cringed. “Can’t you have it removed, or… paint over it, or something?”

Stevie shuddered. “Some people _like_ it, so it has to stay.”

“Ew.” David didn’t want to think about who else had been in this room, or what they’d done here, so he took another sip of disappointing beer to distract himself.

They stayed like that in comfortable silence for a while; David slowly drinking his beer, and Stevie contemplating her reflection in the mirror. It was nice. Quiet. Calm.

Then all of a sudden Stevie sat up, grabbed her beer, and downed the rest of it in one go.

“Uh—” David began, but he cut himself off when Stevie slid to the floor, knelt between his legs, and snatched his beer away.

“You’re taking too long, let me help you.”

“Um, excuse me? I was still drinking that?” David wasn’t upset, though; the beer really was terrible. And watching Stevie wrap her lips around the beer bottle, seeing her throat work as she swallowed… well. That was certainly worth the sacrifice.

When Stevie was done, she wiped the back of her hand across her mouth and set the bottle aside.

“So.” Stevie placed her hands on David’s thighs. “Last night I didn't get a chance to… you know. So, I was thinking I could…” Stevie trailed off as she leaned forward, resting one hand on David’s crotch and resting her cheek against his thigh.

“Oh, that's—not necessary. I mean, if you want to, I... I definitely enjoy... that, but—” David pressed his lips together, realizing he was rambling and desperately wanting to stop. “I'm good with whatever.”

“Well, that's the least enthusiastic response I've ever had after offering someone a blowjob,” Stevie said, sitting back on her heels and rubbing her hands along David’s thighs. “It makes me think maybe you had something else in mind.” 

“Um. Honestly? I’m mostly just worried about… _that_.” David pointed at the ceiling. 

“We could always turn the lights off,” Stevie suggested.

David thought about it. He didn't usually like to have sex in the dark. In his experience, if someone wanted the lights turned off, there was always a reason, and it was rarely a good one. But Stevie didn’t exactly look thrilled by the idea, either. It’s not like she actually _wanted_ the lights off, it’s just—well, desperate times call for desperate measures.

He took one last look around the room—at the bright red sheets, the heart-shaped headboard, and most of all, the ceiling—and made his decision. 

“Yeah, that’s probably for the best.”

Stevie went to turn off the light, which immediately plunged the room into complete darkness. David could hear a quiet shuffling sound as she walked back towards the bed, and a soft thud as she kicked over one of the beer bottles, and then—

“Ow! That’s my foot!”

“Sorry, I can’t fucking _see_ anything—”

Stumbling, Stevie fell forward, pushing David back onto the bed and landing on him with almost her full weight.

“Sorry,” she said unapologetically, then kissed him.

David liked kissing Stevie. Not that they’d done it much, yet—well, maybe _yet_ wasn’t the right way to think about it, who knew if or when they’d do this again—but so far, it was always good. Some people weren’t really interested in kissing. Some people wouldn’t kiss _at all_, and even though David tried not to judge other people’s preferences, he was pretty sure there was something seriously wrong with those people. But more often, people would kiss in an obligatory way, as if it was just part of the script; just one item on the checklist of Things You Do When You Have Sex With Someone. Stevie didn’t kiss like that. She kissed like she enjoyed kissing for its own sake, the same way David did.

Eventually Stevie pulled back and began unbuttoning David’s shirt—or rather, she tried to unbutton it.

“Stevie, what are you—”

“It’s because your stupid _necklace_ is in the way—”

“Hold on, hold on, I’ve got it.” David batted her hands away. “You do your shirt, I’ll do mine.” 

Now that David’s eyes had adjusted to the dark, he could just make out Stevie’s silhouette as she took off her shirt and bra and tossed them on the floor. David reluctantly tossed his shirt on the floor as well; there was no point in trying to fold it if he could barely see. 

“So, are you still considering that blowjob, or—” David reached up to push Stevie’s hair back behind her shoulders. Then he cupped her breasts, playing with her nipples the way she’d liked last night—not too rough. “Did you want to start with something else, like, um, maybe you could sit on my face?”

Stevie didn’t say anything in response. David was pretty sure she was making a face, but in the darkness, he couldn’t tell. Then she moved her hips to grind against him, hard. David gasped.

“Wow, or, we could do that, that’s… good, but maybe with… fewer clothes on?”

Stevie laughed and turned to lay down next to David.

“I want you inside me,” Stevie said as she shimmied out of her jeans. 

“Okay,” David replied, removing his pants as well. “You do realize that’s not going to happen if you give me a blowjob first.”

“I said I wanted _you_ inside me, not that I wanted your _dick_ inside me.”

“Oh. Okay. Well, would you like to specify a body part, or are we going to play sexy twenty questions?”

Laughing, Stevie reached out and groped at David’s elbow, then his forearm, not quite able to find her way in the dark. Finally she grabbed his wrist and dragged his hand over to rest on her inner thigh.

“I want you to put your fingers inside me,” she said.

“Alright,” David breathed, rolling on his side to get a better angle and shifting his hand to play with Stevie’s clit. “Should I do this, too? Or do you just want me inside you?”

Stevie huffed a laugh. “Are these sheets red?” 

“Hey,” David murmured in her ear, “it’s a legitimate question. Not everyone wants to have both.”

“Okay, well, what _I_ want is—” Stevie gasped as David slipped one finger inside her; but just barely inside, just a little bit, because David wanted to start slowly. He wanted to take his time figuring out what Stevie liked. “I like—I need—oh my god, why are you stopping, I need _more_ of that.” Stevie wiggled her hips, clearly frustrated with David’s tentative touches.

“Oh, you want more?” In one smooth motion, David slid two fingers inside of Stevie.

“Mmhm, yeah, that’s—yeah, like that. Um, a little—less deep, actually, _wow_, you have long fingers.”

“I know,” David murmured in Stevie’s ear, then he bent his head down to kiss her—on the lips, on the neck, on her breasts; she made some really wonderful sounds when he sucked on her nipples, so he stuck with that for a bit, all the while still fucking her slowly with his fingers.

But then Stevie made a noise that sounded like words, and it pulled David out of the moment. Stevie wasn’t supposed to be coherent enough for words right now.

“You—I said, I was gonna suck you off,” she slurred, trying half-heartedly to push David away. 

“Later,” David said, nuzzling against Stevie’s neck and reaching his free hand up to stroke her hair. “You’re close, aren’t you?”

Stevie made an indeterminate noise in response, so David figured he had to be on the right track. 

“You said,” she stuttered, “You said. You’d. I need you to—”

“Yeah?” David purred in Stevie’s ear. “What do you need?”

“You _said_,” she growled, “that you’d touch my clit, too.”

“Oh, is _that_ what you need,” David said, smirking. He knew he could probably do it with just one hand; his thumb on her clit, a few fingers inside her, but—well, honestly, he was a bit out of practice. And he wanted to make her feel good; _really_ good, because—Stevie deserved that. Stevie deserved a lot. 

David shifted so he could kneel between Stevie’s legs, still fucking her with one hand, and using the other to play with her clit—gently, because last night, she hadn’t liked it too hard, she wanted—

“You’re so wet,” he whispered. “How does that feel?”

“Oh god, uh-huh, just like that, don’t stop—”

Stevie arched her back, lifting her hips off the bed as she came. 

David wasn’t entirely clear on what happened next. All he knew was that had somehow ended up on his back with Stevie kissing him eagerly while humping his thigh. 

“Mm, okay, this is—this is really good, but,” David said as he pushed Stevie away. “You’re _really_ wet, which I definitely take as a compliment, but can I go wash up a bit before this goes any further?”

“Mmph,” Stevie grunted, rolling to the side and landing spread-eagled on her back. 

David made sure the bathroom door was fully shut behind him, then squinted his eyes nearly shut as he turned on the light. He had to open his eyes a bit to turn on the faucet, though, and then he saw—

Oh _fuck_.

David let out a small yelp of surprise. But he was pretty sure it wasn’t loud enough for Stevie to have heard. Which was a good thing, probably. 

Did Stevie realize she’d…? No, surely she would’ve said something; there was no way she _wouldn’t_ have said something. That was rude, it wasn’t good sex etiquette. Sexiquette? No, sex etiquette. And Stevie’s sex etiquette was impeccable. 

Which meant she didn’t know.

David carefully washed his hands. And his thigh. And his—oh god, how did it get _there_? 

When he was done washing up, he turned the light off and tentatively ventured back into the room.

“Um. Stevie?”

“Yes?” she replied in what David assumed was supposed to be a sexy voice; he couldn’t really tell what was sexy at the moment.

“I think. Um.” David took a deep breath. “You might want to go in the bathroom and wash up, too?”

“Oh, ‘m fine, I’ll go later,” she mumbled. “Why don’t you come back over here so I can, uh. Have my way with you?”

“Stevie,” David said. “You. Um. So, I don’t actually mind, really? And I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable, but I think you probably just didn’t realize, and I don’t really know if _you’re_ comfortable with it, so I think you really should—”

“You’re being weird. Why are you being weird?” Stevie’s voice was back to normal, but because his eyes had adjusted to the bathroom light, David _really_ couldn’t see anything; he had no idea what Stevie was doing. 

“Just, just go—you might want to wash up a bit, that’s all.”

“Ugh, _fine,_” and David felt Stevie brush past him as she walked into the bathroom.

David saw a sliver of light illuminate the outline of the bathroom door. Then, a moment later—

“Oh _FUCK_ no,” Stevie yelled. “Fucking _hell._”

“I’ll be right back, I’m just going to go grab some of Alexis’s tampons, okay?” he shouted as he ran out of the room.

David returned a few minutes later with his hands full, very grateful that Alexis was still at Ted’s. 

When he entered the Love Room, Stevie was lying curled up in the fetal position on the bed.

“You feeling okay?” David asked, sitting on the edge of the bed and reaching a hand out towards Stevie, but not quite touching her. 

“Cramps started right after you left,” she replied in a monotone, not making eye contact.

“Okay, so, I wasn’t sure what you preferred; Alexis mostly has tampons, but I managed to scrounge up a few pantiliners, and I brought some ibuprofen too, which it sounds like you need, so maybe start with that?”

Stevie rolled onto her back, grabbing a pillow and covering her face with it. 

“I got an IUD a few months ago,” she began. David could just barely understand her through the pillow. “And ever since, my cycle has been completely unpredictable. So I had _no idea_ I was… anyway. I’m really, really sorry. This is… extremely humiliating.”

“Don’t worry about it,” David said, and he meant it. He wasn’t really sure how to make that clear to Stevie, but it seemed very important that she know how David felt, even though David himself wasn’t sure how he felt, beyond not wanting Stevie to feel bad. 

“At least the sheets are already red,” Stevie muttered as she got up, grabbed a tampon, and headed into the bathroom.

Stevie came back out of the bathroom a few minutes later, turned the lights off, and lay down next to David in bed. David reached his hand out just far enough to bump against Stevie’s hand with his knuckles, just in case she wanted to—

Stevie responded immediately, turning her hand slightly so she could stroke her thumb against David’s palm; not really holding his hand, just—touching it. A little bit.

“Did you—” Stevie laughed a little bit, then continued. “Did you still want that blowjob? If I haven’t ruined the mood completely, I mean.”

“Stevie. You’re vastly overestimating how much this bothers me. I really don’t care. Like, this woman I—um. Yvette. She did a performance piece at one of my galleries where she covered herself in menstrual blood. And later that night we—well. That wasn’t good, actually. But the blood definitely wasn’t the problem.” The problem had been when Yvette wanted her boyfriend to join them; her boyfriend, who David hadn’t known existed until he showed up while they were in the middle of having sex and said, “He’s hot, can I fuck him?” as if David wasn’t even in the room. But Stevie didn’t need to know that.

“But, I mean,” David said, trying to get his mind back on track. “You don’t have to get me off. You don’t… owe me anything.”

“Okay,” Stevie said.

“I had fun tonight,” David said softly. “I know you… kind of didn’t. And I’m sorry that you, that you didn’t—feel comfortable. But I… I wanted you to know. That I had fun.”

“You _say_ you had fun, but I’m the only one who had an orgasm.”

“Yes, well, there’s still plenty of time to change that. I mean—” David winced. “I didn’t mean that you… I don’t expect you to… I literally _just said_ you don’t owe me—”

David stopped suddenly as Stevie put her hand over his mouth. He could feel her shaking with suppressed laughter.

“Okay, okay. Here’s what’s gonna happen. You’re going to _stop talking_,” Stevie said, clearly still trying not to laugh. “And I’m going to give you a blowjob. Okay?” 

“I’d tell you that’s fine,” David mumbled against Stevie’s hand, “but apparently I’m supposed to _stop talking_.”

“That’s right,” Stevie said as she took her hand off his mouth. “Now take your pants off.”


End file.
